In a scintillating BMX-NY dialogue between same gender loving women and men about Building a Same Gender Loving Liberation Movement, participants took up the following questions:
Are there fundamental human rights of which we are still deprived in our community? If so, what are they?
“Tolerance…Just having the right to do what we want to do…”
“The right of liberty…to be free…that we’re not enslaved…to [be able to] talk to our parents about who we are…to talk on the job about who we are…in church…”
“That’s something I’m going through now…I’m in therapy now…For me it’s a fear…[I’m] Seeing someone…I’m dating…[And, around] public displays of affection [it’s scary] if I want to kiss my boyfriend in front of [hetero Black folk]…How will they react?…My fear is [of] being looked at differently…Feeling free to fully express myself [is a fundamental human right I am still deprived of]…”
{Facilitator says, “Yes, there is a connection between risk and rights…Risk-taking is scary…Is the freedom to express ourselves fully a human right?…As long as it doesn’t infringe on others’ rights, I think so…I’ve been in a quandary about whether or not I infringed on my own freedom in a work context…Team teaching a leadership training workshop in a high school a couple of weeks ago, my partner asked the students if they had any questions for us, and one asked what we did outside of the context within which we engage with them…When it was my turn, I spoke of my work as a theatre practitioner, and as a singer and said that I run a Black men’s empowerment organization, leaving out the same gender loving part of that description which I typically cite…And, I wondered if I hadn’t backslid into an old shame-based or fear-based relationship to my same gender lovingness…or rather, if I wasn’t operating within some constraint…or perceived constraint within the job context…Either the Dept. of Ed. or the agency I’m working with the DOE for…”
{Co-Facilitator says, “I know exactly what you’re talking about…I’m a sixth grade teacher…I see our young bloods grappling [with their budding sexuality]…I am constrained by law…I’m not free to see a youth struggling and go to them and say, ‘I see you, and there is nothing wrong with what you feel,’ without running the risk of winding up down at 65 Court Street, being accused of trying to produce homosexuals…”}
“At work or at school, as a teacher [acknowledging my sexuality] would be grounds for my dismissal…They asked me to do a voiceover today…[A guy said] ‘I like your voice…No homo, no homo…I just like your voice’…I never feel free to express myself outside of home…”
“I feel free now in college…I write short stories about gay relationships…I try to break down stigma…In the latest story, I wrote a scene where [one male character] looking into the [other male character’s] eyes, takes his hand and says, ‘I’ve never met anyone like you…I think I’m falling in love with you’…And [my classmates] said…’That doesn’t happen…All gay people think about is sex’…And I said, ‘I’m gay, and I look for love’…And we started arguing and the Professor told them, ‘You’ll have to take that up with him outside of class’…[But] Around my elders down in North Carolina I [still] don’t feel free…”
“I don’t feel free yet…I’m from North Carolina, where I conducted the choir in church…They have this saying…’Let not your good be evil spoken of’…I was not able to be free in church…When I came here…I’m still conducting a choir [but, in an SGL congregation]…[Now] I don’t have to worry about my job being in jeopardy…I still don’t feel free at home [though] with my eighty-year-old uncle I stay with…”
“I am a Reverend…an interfaith minister, and I don’t feel safe on my Facebook page…It’s not that I’m not out…You just can’t put everything on Facebook…When I think about my parishioners, I want them to see God first…My daughter who was so, ‘Mommy’s gonna’ burn in hell’ [has come around now]…”
How active are we in our communities (e.g. local communities, Black communities, Civil Rights or Gay Liberation initiatives?)
“The agency I work for, they’re supportive…The IT department for the city…And I work in EEO (Equal Employment Opportunity)…I’ve certainly been an advocate for a lot of people…But I had a birthday party recently…A really big [SGL] birthday party…But I didn’t feel comfortable inviting my co-workers…I didn’t know what they would say…if they would feel comfortable…I felt more comfortable inviting White people than Black people…My brother is in jail for several BnE’s (Breaking and Enterings)…and I wrote to him and told him I was gay…and he wrote back and said, ‘You’re my brother and I love you’…And then started quoting scripture about who will not inherit the kingdom of God…My sister used to ask me, ‘Are you gay?’…’Are you gay?’…’Are you gay?’…And I would say, ‘No’…I finally said, ‘Yes,’ and she said, ‘You faggot!’…I should be free [to be who I am]…Nobody’s paying my bills…I shouldn’t have to answer to them for anything…”
{Facilitator says, “I’m going to push back a little where you say, ‘nobody’s paying my bills’…I recognize that sentiment as a standard justification for observing the right to privacy, as distinct from an assertion of the right to be present in our sexuality…And [with regard to] the notion that one shouldn’t have to answer to others…By my reckoning, [where we would observe change] there’s no such thing as ‘should,’ there is only what is…And we take that and make the best of it that we can…Which leads to the question, how is freedom achieved?…And, where do rights come from?…Do people give us our rights?…For that matter, did Lincoln [simply] free the enslaved Africans?…”} [Participants respond variously,,,’No’…’You take your rights’…’We fought for them’…]
Is it possible that our political inactivity/invisibility might be related to conflict around self-worth?
“For a long time I had a problem making my sexuality equivalent with my Blackness…I am an effeminate Black man…And I get so tired of Black people saying, I’m not a real man…I get so pissed off about Black people being so ignorant…I wear Moshood because I like his designs…Once I was on the A- train…and I was wearing a head wrap…And I was [attacked] by these ignorant [guys] who were [challenging my manhood]…I get so tired of Black people’s ignorance…I can’t get over it…And I don’t know what to do…”
{Facilitator asks, “What does one do to get over others’ ignorance?…”}
{Co-Facilitator says, “I’m not a ‘lipstick lesbian,’ but I like to get my hair done and put on a little makeup sometimes…[So] Some people say to me, ‘You’re not a lesbian’…I deal with energy…[It’s important that I am mindful of how I use my energy]…If I give my energy over sometimes I say, ‘It’s very unfortunate you feel that way,’ and keep it moving…Cause all the people in our community have all these defined labels…That sort of ignorance [can be difficult to challenge]… That’s why you have to be present in the community, so they can see all the different [kinds of people we are]…This young Brother at the Pride launch last year saw me on TV with my hair done and makeup [and came to me] and asked me, ‘Are you a lesbian?’…I told him, ‘I [love women] too’…It has to be your definition of [manhood or womanhood you’re asserting]…”}
{Facilitator says, “I agree with Carmen…It is imperative that we be present in our sexuality in the community so that they can become acquainted with the full spectrum of our collective humanity…What is vital is that we train ourselves to take a deep breath and remain calm when confronted with ignorance so that we can embody the difference between what they think and what is real… I find that, as I speak plainly and honestly and intelligently to people, it’s surprising how often they can hear what I’m saying…”}
“I was raised in a strict Pentecostal home…My husband and I are both ordained elders in the Holiness church…First we had a commitment ceremony, and then when it became legal, we got married…There came a point when I had to take inventory of myself…[I decided] I’m tired of lying to myself…And lying to everybody else…Saying I was married to a woman…[After all] If you go to a Holiness church, who’s there but homosexuals?…I went to a panel [titled] ‘Can You be Saved and Gay?’…Of course you can…You asked the question, how do you become free?…Within yourself [first]…I got fed up of hiding and lying to myself…[I asked myself] ‘Why am I going to hide?’…[Out in public now] we hold each others’ hands…We kiss sometimes…”
“I don’t think we’re a-hundred-percent free…If we can’t hold hands…People think we’re so fearless…But, sometimes, even [my man and I] are afraid [to express affection publically]…I used to be jealous of lesbians [and the way they seem to be freer than we]…I have issues with my family [around my inability to be free with them]…I’ve come some ways from where I started, but [I’ve still a ways to go]…”
{Facilitator says, “Yes, the right to express affection for the object of one’s affection might be construed as a basic human right…A few weeks ago I was down in DC on some BMX business, and I met a Brother there with whom I clicked, and we went out to a dance concert one evening, and as we left the theater, he took me by the hand and we walked along hand in hand for a long time together…And we walked through and by a lot of Black people and…along with feeling proud to be holding the hand of this powerful Brother, it was really refreshing to be among family being intimate the way we be intimate…”}
“How did they react?…”
{Facilitator says, “A few looked, but for the most part, there was no reaction…That’s the funny thing about fear…Sometimes the biggest Boogie-man is the one in our minds…”}
“Why is there a division between SGL Brothers and Sisters?…We’re in the same type of war…”
“I came out in the seventies and it was my [SGL] brothers who helped me through that struggle…[I remember] Even just looking at my girlfriend on the subway…Brothers would notice, and I might get into a fight…As time went on, [SGL Sisters and Brothers] moved in different directions…I think it’s economic…When I came out, none of us were working and we all cooked and hung out together…But then, as they started working, and I was raising kids and whatever else I was doing, we moved in different directions…”
{Co-Facilitator says, “I’ve always had my Brothers around me…My closest friend is an SGL Brother…But there are the extremes…Brothers who don’t like ‘fish,’ as they call us…and the Sisters who don’t like the Brothers…Like [a segment of] the women’s feminist movement…And I don’t think we can change those extremes…But those of us who can associate with each other should…We need each other…About Sisters being freer…That [latitude] is about a male fantasy…We have to come together …We have these [common] issues…You can picket…You can march…But in the end, it’s about casting a vote…”}
“Freedom is gon’ start with yourself…And you’re going to have to fight for it…With words, and sometimes with your fists…I have to live my truth…I wanted to hold hands [with a boyfriend] and he said, ‘We can’t hold hands’…And, I said, ‘Why can’t we hold hands?’…And, so we did…I started carrying my little knife with me…If I’m going to die, you’re going to die first…You’re no less a man because you’re effeminate…That’s somebody else’s reality…”
Is the LGBT Movement enough? If not, do we need a movement to address our issues? And, if so, are we capable of building and sustaining such a movement?
“No…The ‘G’ in LGBT, I don’t feel represents any of us…I read an article recently about how it get’s better…about how Dan Savage…a gay commentator [has been] instrumental in raising awareness about anti-gay bullying…But [he] never once showed people of color…We have it worse when we come out [in our community] because we don’t have institutions [and property] like Chelsea, etcetera, to come out to…We have to take something back like our dignity and self-determination… Savage is worried about his own…We have to be worried about our own…”
“No, the LGBT Movement is not enough…Earlier we talked about how it’s more acceptable for lesbians to hold hands [publically]…Straight girls can do it too…It’s not uncommon to hear heterosexual women saying to each other, ‘Your breasts are so beautifully round’…Men don’t do that with each other…We don’t talk about how beautifully shaped each other’s penises are…We can’t do it by ourselves…We need Sisters…”
“[Reading from the internet about human rights] ‘The right to live, to property, free speech, to express his or her sexual orientation’…Has not been effective for us…Because we’re not out, we don’t seize the opportunity to teach people things…If we don’t remove the preconceived ideas, who will?…Some honestly are just trapped in preconceived ideas…If we don’t step up…They keep tapping us on the shoulder, and then when we look to see who’s tapping, they [go around the other side and] snatch something away from us…We have resiliency…And they want it…So, what do they do?…They distract us…They took away our African values and teach us materialism…They take away our unity and give us distractions…”
“Part of the reason SGL women have reached farther than SGL men is that they’re seen as more manly…stronger…Whereas, same gender loving men might be viewed as more womanly…weaker…”
“Also because men aren’t threatened by women’s sexuality…”
“In the eighties same gender loving men and women partied together…TRAX [was one place]…By the late eighties, early nineties, we separated…[amid] the AIDS crisis…The women who were bisexual felt we were infecting them…”
{Facilitator asks, “In the here and now, would we agree that we need a movement to address our issues?…”} [Participants respond, “Yes.”] {How do we go about building and sustaining such a movement?…”} [Participants respond, “By coming together in meetings like this,”…”By reaching out to each other”…”Remembering that SGL males’ and females’ issues are the same”…”Nobody is going to save us but us…”]